My first STD was from a foam party
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
