I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Randomize
