well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just gift wrapped bread.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
