upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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