I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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