When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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