well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
ttyl tear gas
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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