I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
