I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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