So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Randomize
