Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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