I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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