you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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