Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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