My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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