I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Randomize
