Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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