Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
My pussy is not your playground.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
