We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
