guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
