I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
