Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
