A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
