dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
