my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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