marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
It's never too late to be topless.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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