I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Randomize
