How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Randomize
