im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
