Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
