youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
