I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
