Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
