My nipple is on Facebook.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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