youre lurking in front of me
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
