They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
