god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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