Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
