We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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