Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
