just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
