you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
