i love accidental penises.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
