I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
