Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
