i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
