omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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