Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Someone signed my nipple.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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