We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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