Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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