dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
