Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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