3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
