I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
