He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
