does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
