I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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