the condom got lost in my hair
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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