i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
My ass is underappreciated
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
