no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
this hospital has no fireball
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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