I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
