I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
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