I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
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