Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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