i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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