Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
