Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
