And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
