based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Pants are for mortals
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
